February 3. 2005.... February 3, 2005 is a day that I don't really talk about much. You have to be pretty close to me to know the whole entire story of that day. It is very hard for me to talk about. I don't know how in depth I'll really go, but that day I lost my pop (that's what we called my dad, he was never "dad") and welcomed my nephew Little John into the world.
My pop had been in and out of the hospital all through my junior high years and all through my high school years. He had actually went into the hospital December of 2004 and we honestly thought we'd never see him again, but my pop loved Christmas and always made my entire family have the best Christmas ever just with his spirit. He surprised us all and was sent home just a couple days before Christmas. I didn't know that would be the last Christmas I had with my pop or really the last holiday I'd have with him ever.
A couple months later at the end of January/beginning of February my Pop was having some serious health issues, one night dementia was the serious problem. It started off being really funny. One of the last nights I remember spending with my pop was when he was telling me about all the "creatures" he was seeing around the house. He told me they had spider legs, a dog face, and elephant ears. I tried to get him to draw me a picture (my pop was amazing at drawing, he loved to draw Disney characters especially), but to my luck my mom came back into his room for one of her routine checks and she stepped on one of the "creatures". My pop started laughing hysterically and wanted me to go get the tweezers to pick it up so we could inspect it. I know a lot of this stuff happening was from my pop's own imagination because he was the BEST story teller ever. My pop could tell stories like no other man could. Especially fishing stories, you know the best fish ever caught haha. Then his dementia got to a point that was scary I don't really want to go into too much detail because a lot of it was scary and I don't want to really remember it. The cops were even called to my house because my pop thought someone was stealing the engine out of his truck and my mom was having a party. We had to go through the whole house and unplug all the phones and watch my pop even more closely than we already were. I was up the whole night and didn't go to school the next day.
A couple days later we woke up and my mom was taking my pop into the hospital for what we thought was just a routine check up, get him some medication, and send him home. I never never never thought this would be the last time I talked to my pop. I even remember watching him and my mom walk out the door that morning and asking my mom if she was sure she wanted me at school and if she wanted me to go with her. We were so sure that I went to school while she headed to the doctor. This was the last time I really saw my pop alive. Once he was in the hospital it was like he was in a deep deep sleep. His loud snore that he always had, he never woke up from this sleep. My pop had a DNR. The doctors told us it could be minutes, hours, maybe days until my pop died and to get all family members here asap (my brother was in the marines at the times and special orders had to be made possible to get him home, but they wanted him on the next flight).
February 2 my mom tried her best to send me home so that I could get some sleep. I hadn't slept in days, I wanted to spend as much time with my pop as I could even though he really wasn't alive, I still wanted my pop around, I still wanted his stories around, I still wanted my pop at my high school graduation, and I wanted him to walk me down the aisle. All of these things I knew I would never have and in the moment I was being completely selfish. Losing your father at 17 just isn't something anyone should have to do. All my brothers and sisters had him at their high school graduation. It just wasn't fair.
In the early morning hours of February 3, I actually feel asleep for a minute and was awakened by my mom and brother John screaming at me to get up. My pop was going and he was going fast. With his DNR all they could do was try to make him feel "comfortable". I remember my mom screaming at him "Sammy Lynn you wake up" "Sammy Lynn don't you dare leave us" and this I truly think gave my pop something to try and come back for because he came back 2 or 3 times before he was really gone. Yes my pop, one of my best friends, was gone. We had our hard times, but my pop took me aside before things got really bad and apologized to me for everything and didn't want me to remember him for those times. He wanted me to remember him for all the good times. So I do....
I was the biggest tomboy growing up and I still look back and love it. I could out fish anyone in my family, even my pop. That's why I was his fishing buddy. As soon as Spring would start to come around every time we could we were waking up early, early in the morning to go fishing. I remember the nights before we'd go fishing my pop and I would go dig out in our gardens to find all the worms we could for the next day. No I wasn't scared of worms. I loved them. I loved everything about bugs, about fishing (even gutting the fish), I love climbing trees, I loved sports, I just loved it all. I haven't gone fishing since the last time with my pop, but that was one of my best memories. I was tearing up Causey and so he made me keep catching them just to show off to everyone around me.
Another great memory I have with my pop is car shopping. My pop and I definitely did not see eye to eye on this but it was an adventure. I wanted a SUV and my pop was scared to death of what I would do in it. He told me that ultimately it was my decision and I did what I knew felt right. I chose the 92 Pontiac Sunbird convertible and man did my friends and I have some good times in that. My pop would always joke around about how cool the car was and how he was going to take it out and "cruise the vard."
We would watch sports together Jazz games, football games, and especially NASCAR. My pop loved NASCAR and so did I because of him. We got really into going out and collecting all the NASCAR car collectibles that we could. We knew so much about each car and we would find the ones that had special unique qualities, ones that were missing something they should have had that made them special. Some of the best times I had with my pop were going out with him after his doctor appointments to K-Mart, Walmart, anywhere we could find a NASCAR car and then him, Quigley, and me enjoying a good cheeseburger after.
I know that I am truly lucky because I met and knew one of the best men to ever walk this earth. I truly am lucky to have known him and I am so glad that he left a legacy behind for me to be proud of. I always have a hard time on days like Feb 3, holidays, his birthday, my wedding, but I know he is there watching over me. Sometimes you think things get easier with time, but losing my pop for me never really has. I think about him all the time. I always remember certain things about him. I always tease Philip that if he was around we would be over at my mom's house with special projects my pop had just for him. Painting a hallway, helping fix a car, mowing the lawn, helping with sprinklers, you name it if my pop was here Philip would be over there helping. I really really miss you pop, I love you so much and I hope that you are proud of me.
Now back to February 3... Little do many people know that my pop had a special reason he had to leave that day... A few hours after he left us he was busy walking his mini me into this world. Little John Ethan was born the same day that my dad left us and this kid is the spitting image of my pop. Maybe that's why he holds such a special place in my heart that I never thought any boy could, maybe it's because he was my first nephew, who knows, but I love this kid entirely too much. I remember meeting him the hospital and his cute little red hair. I remember him growing up and all these cute little freckles that keep popping up and now he is 6 years old. Man has time gone by! My nephew came into this world at just the right time to give everyone a little bit of hope. To let us know that everything does happen for a reason and gave us all a little piece of my pop when he arrived. It's funny because just when I think my pop is gone all I really have to do is look at him and I see him. I see his little attitude and stubbornness that my pop had, I see his love for cars, I see a lot of my pop in him, but most importantly I see my "Stinky" my little red headed nephew that I think is just the cutest darn thing in the world!
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